San Diego · Telehealth across California · Ages 5 and up
Child Anxiety & School Refusal Therapy
When Worry Starts Taking Over Your Child's World
If your child is anxious in the morning, dreading school, melting down over small things, or asking the same worried questions again and again, you are not overreacting. We help children feel calmer, braver, and more like themselves again.
Children don't always say "I'm anxious." More often, they show us.
A worried child may not have the words for what they are feeling. Instead it comes out sideways: a stomachache before school, a short temper at home, tears at bedtime, or a flat refusal to walk through the classroom door. When you understand what the worry is doing, it stops feeling like defiance or drama and starts making sense.
What it can look like
Signs your child may be struggling with anxiety
Every child is different, and one or two of these on their own is usually just childhood. It is the pattern, and how much it is getting in the way, that tells you it may be time to reach out.
- Refusing or dreading school
- Sunday-night dread before the week starts
- Morning stomachaches or headaches
- Separation anxiety at drop-off
- Perfectionism and fear of mistakes
- Asking for constant reassurance
- Frequent "what if" questions
- Social worry or avoiding friends
- Trouble falling or staying asleep
- Irritability and a short fuse
- Racing heart, shaky, or panicky moments
- Clinginess or not wanting to be alone
The part parents miss
Anxiety doesn't always look like anxiety
This is the piece that surprises most families. A worried child rarely looks worried. Anxiety wears disguises, and the behavior you are seeing may be the disguise.
Anger
Big, sudden reactions that seem out of proportion are often fear with nowhere to go.
Stomachaches & headaches
A nervous system on high alert shows up in the belly and the head, especially before school.
Perfectionism
Redoing work, fear of getting it wrong, or shutting down over small mistakes.
Avoidance
Dodging the thing that feels scary, whether that is school, sleepovers, or raising a hand.
Clinginess
Not wanting you out of sight, trouble separating, needing you at bedtime.
Shutdown
Going quiet, freezing, or saying "I don't know" when the feelings get too big.
Irritability
Snapping at siblings or you, when what is underneath is worry and overwhelm.
Restless sleep
Trouble winding down, nightmares, or ending up in your bed most nights.
A closer look
When your child won't go to school
School refusal is one of the most exhausting and confusing things a family can go through. The stomachache is real. The tears are real. And it usually is not about being difficult.
For many children, mornings become the hardest part of the day: the dread builds on Sunday night, the belly hurts at breakfast, and drop-off turns into a standoff. Each time school gets avoided, the worry gets a little stronger, and the pattern digs in deeper. We help you understand what is driving it, calm the physical panic, and rebuild your child's confidence one manageable step at a time, working with you and, when helpful, with the school.
How we help
A whole-child approach to anxiety
We don't just talk about the worry. We work with the whole child, including the body that is carrying it, so relief actually lasts.
Mind
Naming worries, softening the "what ifs," and building brave, flexible thinking at a level your child can use.
Body
Calming an overactive stress response with grounding, breathing, and nervous-system regulation, so the physical panic settles.
Relationships
Coaching you and involving family, because a child feels safest when the people around them know how to help.
Environment
Working with school, routines, sleep, and daily stressors that quietly keep anxiety turned up.
Sometimes what looks like anxiety has a physical layer too, things like sleep, blood-sugar swings, or a stress response stuck in overdrive. Because we look at the whole child, we can consider those alongside the emotional work, and when something points to a medical cause we help you loop in your pediatrician. You can read more about that side of our care on our holistic health services page.
What to expect
What child anxiety therapy may look like
Therapy is built around your child's age and personality, so no two children have the same sessions. Depending on what fits, it may include:
Younger children often lead with play and art, since that is how they naturally show what is going on inside. Older children and teens may lean more on skills and conversation. Not every tool is used with every child.
You are part of this
Parents are in the loop, not on the sidelines
You know your child better than anyone, and that makes you central to the work. We coach you on what to say during a meltdown, how to respond to the "what ifs," and how to support brave steps at home without accidentally feeding the worry. You will get age-appropriate guidance and check-ins along the way.
Depending on your child's age and comfort, you may join sessions directly or support the work from home.
Why families choose us
Personalized, whole-child care
- Care built around your specific child, not a script
- The whole-child view, including the body, not just talk
- Comfortable working with families who have tried therapy before and felt stuck
- A veteran-owned practice that understands military-connected kids and moves
- Real partnership with parents at every step
- In person in San Diego, or by telehealth across California
- A faith-integrated option for families who want it
- Parent-only support available when your child is not ready to come in
Let's help your child feel calmer
You don't need a diagnosis or all the answers to reach out. Tell us what you are noticing, and we will help you figure out the right next step.
Common questions
Parents often ask
How do I know if my child's anxiety needs therapy?
A good rule of thumb: when worry starts getting in the way of everyday life, school, sleep, friendships, or family, or when it keeps showing up as physical complaints, it is worth a conversation. You do not need a diagnosis or a crisis to reach out.
My child gets a stomachache every morning before school. Could that be anxiety?
Often, yes. Anxiety in children frequently shows up in the body, especially right before stressful moments like school drop-off. We also encourage a visit with your pediatrician to rule out any physical causes, and we can work alongside them.
What is school refusal, and can it be helped?
School refusal is a pattern where a child resists or avoids going to school, usually driven by anxiety rather than defiance. It tends to grow the more school is missed. We help by calming the underlying worry and rebuilding confidence in small, manageable steps.
What ages do you work with?
We work with children ages 5 and up, along with teens and families.
Do you work with the physical side of anxiety too?
Yes. We look at the whole child, including sleep and an overactive stress response, and we coordinate with your pediatrician when a medical cause may be involved. Psychotherapy does not diagnose or treat medical conditions.
Do I need to be in the room during sessions?
It depends on your child's age and needs. Parents are always part of the process through consultation and guidance, and sometimes you will join sessions directly.
Is faith-integrated support available?
Yes, for families who want it. It is always optional and never required.
Do you take insurance?
New Birth is a private-pay practice. We provide superbills you can submit to your insurer for possible out-of-network reimbursement, though reimbursement is never guaranteed. Current rates are on our fees page.
Do you offer telehealth?
Yes. We see families in person at our Mission Valley office in San Diego and by secure telehealth anywhere in California.
Explore related care
New Birth Family Counseling provides psychotherapy to clients located in California and offers whole-child, mind-body informed care for children ages 5 and up. This page is informational and does not constitute medical or psychological advice or a diagnosis. Every child is different, and outcomes vary.
Are you a pediatrician or provider looking to refer a child? Visit our professional referrals page.